If He Insists That You Work…
by: Sarah Tanner
Once, when asked about her life, former First Lady Barbara Bush said,
“I married well.” Is it wrong to want to marry well? Ladies, it’s all about survival – and it’s all about what you will be able to do for your children. Marry well, and you will never have to fear the basic survival issues, such as illness and unemployment – threats that single women (especially single mothers) have to face every day.
Mother always said, “You can just as easily love a rich man as a poor man.” Mother was right.
But what makes a man rich? Richness comes in many forms. Another word for riches is “abundance.” Life can be abundant in many ways. A relationship can be abundant in love, in trust, in affection, in fun, and in respect. Marrying your best friend is a sure way to an abundant emotional life.
What is it about wealth and abundance that make these things so appealing to so many of us? Take the time to think about this before you proceed on your journey to find a wealthy mate.
Abundance means security.
We have security when we no longer have to worry how we will get the money for our basic needs and wants.
We have security when our life is not dependent upon having and keeping a job – especially not a job we dread going to every day.
We have security when there is more than enough money to take care of us, now and in the future.
We have security when we know that our children will not have to live in impoverished neighborhoods and be exposed to bad influences.
It is not wrong to want to have money. It is not wrong to want to marry someone who handles his or her money prudently. Nor is it unusual, whether you are rich or not, to want to marry someone who is financially secure. No one wants to get romantically involved with someone with chronic problems with money – gambling, debt, overspending, risktaking. These things can ruin a marriage or relationship faster than anything.
However, there are hidden riches in marrying many men whom you might otherwise overlook. If you marry a man who gives you the freedom of choice as to whether you work or not, you have in essence just become a millionaire, even if your husband earns $30,000 per year!
“Do the math”: if you marry at age 30, you may be married for 40 or more years.
40 years x $30,000 per year = $1,200,000 – money that is being earned for you while you are busy raising a family and nurturing your life together. A husband who doesn’t insist that you work automatically makes you a millionaire!! You don’t have to be “rich” – to be rich!!
But what is happening today? Young women report all the time that guys are bringing this subject up on the first date! Before the cappuccino is cold, these men are telling women that any wife of theirs should expect to help bring home the bacon, even after they have children!
What is a guy like this really telling you?
He is saying loud and clear that to him, marriage is like a business. If he takes on a partner, he expects to earn twice as much.
He is saying that the quality of life for his children is secondary to making sure there is extra money in his bank account.
He is saying that he wants to keep buying his “toys” more than he wants a wonderful, cozy life with his beloved wife and children!
Run, do not walk!
You are far better off remaining single than marrying a man who views marriage and family in this light. Keep searching until you find the man who truly understands the meaning of marriage and family.
These men are out there!!
Where can you find a man who wants a traditional family life, with whom you can raise beautiful children who have the best of both parents while growing up (instead of spending most of their time in school and daycare with thrown-together frozen meals and an exhausted mom and dad)?
The best place to find a man like this is in a church or synagogue.
And the best place to find churches with the most eligible men is in a larger city. However, you don’t have to move. You can meet men in reputable Christian or Jewish online dating services.
Have you seen the women who work full-time at demanding jobs while at the same time raising babies, toddlers, or school-aged children?
These women are stretched to the max. They spend from morning till night working both at their jobs and then at home taking care of their families.
If you should be so blessed as to find or to already have a man in your life who genuinely wants you to have the freedom of choice to stay home and take care of your family, you must never take him for granted.
If you are fortunate enough to marry a man who encourages you to stay home after your children are born, you must do your part to make it worthwhile for him! How can you do that? There are four important ways:
No yelling – no nagging – ever. On the contrary – build up your husband in every way you can.
Stay attractive and stay in shape. The best way to do that is to keep exercising.
Keep your home neat, uncluttered, and beautiful. It doesn’t have to be fancy to be beautiful. Less is more.
Never, and I mean never, get over your head in debt. If you need extra cash, find ways to make money. The old saying is true: where there is a will, there is a way!
A woman can make her own fortune with or without a man in her life. Women are doing it every day. You don’t need a man, rich or not, to complete your life. But if you decide it’s time to fall in love, be sure to make a wise decision in the area of money, and marry someone who is responsible with his earnings, and who is generous. (The most unsexy man in the world is the cheapskate.) You don’t need to deal with someone else’s debt collectors calling your home and a ruined credit report as a result of your wedding vows. You don’t need to be the only one who pays the bills while your man plays computer games, entertains buddies, and drinks beer all day.
Smart, responsible attitudes about money will result in long-term wealth and security at any income level. Marriage can be difficult under even the best of circumstances. Marry a man who adds to your life, rather than takes away from it, and then make him glad he married you. Then you have indeed married rich!
About The Author
Sarah Tanner writes about relationships. Some of her websites include http://www.marriageandwealth.com, http://www.howtohavecharm.com, and http://www.stopyourbreakupnow.com. You may use this article if it is used in its entirety and unchanged, and if the website links are included.
This article was posted on March 16, 2005